Sunday, May 12, 2013

Letting Go . . . .

Today was an odd day . . . . not sad or depressing or disappointing . . . . just a little disorienting . . . . or RE-orienting, maybe?

I had prepared myself ahead of time for change. I had purposefully fixed my mind on the many blessings in my life; I had reached out to some whom I felt might be struggling today; I had kept my heart in a state of thanksgiving. I realize now that I had been bracing myself for some unseen tsunami that I sensed might come from nowhere and sweep me away, never to be found again.

Today, on this first Mother's Day since her passing, I found myself alone in my mom's almost empty house . . . .wandering around the now unfamiliar rooms, stopping to bury my nose in her Youth Dew bath powder, running my fingers through some of her clothing still hanging in the closet . . . . desperately searching for something familiar to cling to. I found nothing. That house is just a building now and, strangely, I felt like an intruder there in that place I once called home.

Today was an important milestone in my life . . . .a day for burial . . . .a day for letting go . . . . a day for moving on. This was a day for plunging myself down deeper into the heart of Poppa God to gulp from the bottomless wells of His grace . . . . a day for flinging myself violently into all that He is and allowing myself to be swallowed up completely in His all-consuming Love.

Today, I learned anew that He is more than enough for me on any day, through any season, and in any situation. He is not only my Father, He is now my Mother. He is my Husband, my Best Friend, my Everything. My identity comes not from being someone's child or mother or wife or friend. My identity is not related to my hometown, my career, my possessions, or even the gifts He has given. My identity comes from Christ alone. Everything else will pass away . . . . all else will be shaken, burned up,  vaporized in an instant.  He alone is my Life.

Today was a very good day . . . .

"Whom have I in heaven but You? 
And besides You, I desire nothing on earth.
My flesh and my heart may fail, 
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
Psalms 73:25, 26 NASB

"For you have died 
and your life is hidden with Christ in God.
When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, 
then you also will be revealed with Him in glory."
Colossians 3:3, 4